Grief Support

• NUMBNESS: Numbness is our body's preparation for dealing with death. We need a period of transition between two realities- the one before the death and the other afterward. Numbness is a natural feeling.
  
  
• SADNESS TO DESPAIR: Sadness seems to underlie nearly everything we do during the grieving period. It is a result of the constancy of the reality that death has occurred and life has changed. Despair, on the other hand, is the tragic feeling that something enormous has happened and there is nothing in the world we can do about it.
  
  
• APPETITE CHANGES: Our chemical selves react differently to grief. The overdose of adrenaline and thyroxin, which are pouring into our systems every time we think about the loss, either can cause nausea and food is distasteful, or an acidic feeling which thinks it needs food to cure. Therefore we either eat more or we eat less. Hence we either gain weight or we lose it.
  
  
• ANXIETY: Nervousness and restlessness are pervasive feelings during grief because reality has changed. When we can no longer predict our world it becomes a frightening place in which to live.
  
  
• SLEEPING PROBLEMS: What we do not deal with during the day tends to keep us awake at night. Grieving is a 24 hour job. It changes our sleep patterns, our dream cycles, and hence our times of rest may not be as restful.
  
  
• ANGER: We are taught from childhood that the world is supposed to be fair. When death strikes, fairness is called into question. We are incensed that the world is not the just place we worked for years to maintain. Anger can also be a blanket for pain. It is sometimes easier to be furious and direct this energy at some target than acknowledge and experience the deep raw hurt of grief.
  
  
• GUILT: When death appears to be meaningless, we search for the control that explanation and information can bring. If we can find the meaning, we have an easier time acknowledging an event. One of the best places to find explanation is within ourselves. This is when we blame and feel guilt- at least it is an answer.
  
  
• DEPRESSION: Our grieving system needs to be shut down for awhile. It is exhausting to grieve. The death of an old way of life, an old reality, an attachment that is gone forever must be acknowledged and resolved. When a grieving person is deeply depressed, they know absolutely that death is real. There is no more denial or pretending. It is absolute confrontation. This is painful but positive.
  
  
• IDENTITY: Self-confidence, esteem, social patterns and behaviors, roles as spouse, mother, father, brother, etc. are all undergoing revision during the grieving process. Frustration with oneself and the expectations of others is very draining. People may be surprised that they do not want to do the things they used to enjoy. Habits may change or intensify. Needs are often difficult to define, and impossible to fulfill.
  
  

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